


how it should be

by CreativeTomato



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drama, Dudley "Big D" Dursley, Dudley and Harry are best pals, Everythings The Same But Different, Explicit Language, F/M, Family, Family Feels, Friendship, Good Dudley Dursley, Good Petunia Dursley, Harry Potter is Not a Horcrux, Help, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, Love, Magic, Mental Health Issues, Not Canon Compliant, Not as black and white, Severus Snape Redemption, Swearing, because it doesn't make sense to me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:01:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25262014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreativeTomato/pseuds/CreativeTomato
Summary: Petunia Dursely divorced her husband because she realized she was living a lie and living in an abusive household. She hated how he treated Harry, the last thing that she had left regarding family and her sister. So, she is taking care of two boys, working as a nurse at a childrens wing in a hospital. And then someone knocks on her door. Someone from the past. She let's him in, even if she hates how he represents magic - something she hates and is afraid of as magic has taken aways all she had loved. She doesn't want to lose Harry.Hello!This is my first ever Harry Potter fanfiction. I have written other fanfictions, just not on ao3. And it's been a while since I have written something. I changes many things in the Harry Potter universe that is canon. As it is a childrens book everything is black and white, as it is easier for kids to understand it. But now, that I'm an adult I realized that everything is much more complicated. I truly think that Petunia was abused by Vernon and only became so "evil" due to self preservation.Have fun!Also, I don't have a beta reader. And I apologize for any mistakes.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 39





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> In the HP Universe are quite a few things I find... not good. For example, one should never leave a child in an abusive household. (Dumbledore's a dick) There has been a study were babys were not loved. No hugs, no warmth, only the essential food etc. They died. Harry was one year old when he came to the Dursely so... how could they have been so abusive to him?  
> So, here it is. Have fun!

Petunia Evans Dursley was unhappy. Even as she looked at the face of her one year old child and a husband with a good carrier, she was unhappy. There was no reason to be, she knew. But her life just seemed so empty, so lonely. And a child was not supposed to be the filler for her emptyness, her loneliness. She had read enough books on childcare and psychology when she had been pregnant to know that, even going to childcare lessons and asking nurses. She just didn't want to make any mistakes. Because Lily had been perfect and she was not, so she tried with everything she was to be perfect. Always perfect hair, perfect clothing, perfect cooking... perfect everything. Yes, everything had to be perfect. It was exhausting but she just couldn't stop being a perfectionist. It was as a ghost had started haunting her and wouldn't let her go. Ghosts from the past and long forgotten and the ghost of her love to her sister. 

With a sigh she looked at the innocent face of her only child she held in her arms and hummed softly as he tried to grab the strand of her long hair. She was alone with him at the moment, her husband being in bed. It was in the middle of the night after all and Vernon had to work the next day. He really couldn't care less about taking care of his only son, which kind of rubbed her the wrong way and every time she tried to say something he made it as if she was a horrible mother. As if she didn't want to take care of her child. And maybe he was right? She sighed again and the humming stopped for a moment. Dudleys crying slowly faded. When she got up to get to Dudley Vernon just looked at her: "Make him shut up will you? I need my sleep." With that he had turned to the other side and she got up without turning the lights on. There had been no more words spoken. It was her duty. It was how it should be. She was the mother, the wife, the housekeeper. Vernon was the one who made the money. It was always her that had to get up. Yes, she had to take care of everything regarding the house. It was a womans responsibilty after all. So she had went into the nursery were little Dudley had been crying. She would have loved to give him another name but her husband had insisted. Her opinion hadn't changed much. Dudley Dursley really was a stupid name but her husband was strict and wanted to name his son Dudley. Because it had been his grandfathers name. Vernon was stubborn like that (and he scared her sometimes when he didn't get what he wanted). And for one quiet moment a forbidden thought crossed her mind as she cradely little Dudley. She wondered why she had married Vernon in the first place. Quickly she shook her head. It was too late for that now. Maybe she was just being dramatic. Now she had a child and leaving him was out of the question, already having a certain reputation she had to uphold. There was no time to be selfish.

„It's alright, darling.", she told little Dudley, wiping away the remnants of tears on his warm cheeks, „Mommy's here." Again, she hummed as she put her finger into his hand. Instantly his chubby fingers grabbed her own, not wanting to let go. But sooner than she had thought he closed her eyes and she was able to put him back into bed. He hadn't been hungry and his diaper was fresh. There should be no reason for him to be restless. Maybe he was starting to get sick? Again she sighed. She needed to drink. Needed time to herself. So she left the door to the nursery open as she went down to make herself some tea as Dudley finally slept with his soft toy. She felt exhausted and her bones ached with every movement she made. She felt older than she was. Life was exhausting. How Lily had managed with the same situation... but Petunia didn't know at all, did she? The last time she had seen Lily was at Lilys and James wedding. 

Suddenly a sound reached her ears and she stopped moving. Again. Then the soft crying started again. She put the bottle of wine back into the refigirator and closed the door. The light in the kitchen wasn't on, only the light from the streets and the moon illuminated the cutboards and the refigirator through the windows. Her brows creased together and she looked into the hallway at the closed front door. Was it her imagination? Dudley had just fallen asleep. Maybe she shouldn't drink wine in the middle of the night. Then she heard it again. Crying. A child. A baby? Wondering and confused she started to reach for the door of her home. Dread filled her when she opened it with a quiet clicking sound. For a moment she considered just going back into bed. Just leaving it alone. But she couldn't. The crying became louder. Her heart hammered in her chest. She realizied how sweaty the palms of her hands felt. Then she saw it. There, right in front of her on the floor, was a baby. Black haired and crying and… what was that on his forehead? It looked like a pattern of lightning, reaching his eye and into his hair, an angry red as if it had happened just a few moments ago. But that couldn't be.

Panic settled in her gut as she quickly looked around but there was nothing. No one. How? When? „Oh no…", she whispered and then she quickly went to her knees. Only then did she realize there was a letter. Her hand shook as she took it. The shaking didn't stop when she opened it. And it hadn't stopped when the letter fell to the floor and it didn't cease when she blinked the tears away that had formed in her eyes. The things she had just found out made her chest constrict and her heart felt as if it burned. The burning reached her eyes and then she couldn't stop the tears anymore.

„Lily…", she whispered into the night, shocked to what she had found out. Her sister. Her perfect little sister. Dead. Gone from the world. And now here he was, little Harry, without parents, without love. „Oh no. No…", for a moment she let herself grieve, but one look into the childs face and she stopped. Now was not the time to grieve. Here was a one year old child needing care and attention and it was her sisters legacy. So she wiped the tears from her eyes and quickly picked little Harry up, taking him into her arms, letting him hear her heart beat as she had learned how calming a heart beat could be to a baby. „It's alright…", she whipsered, her voice lost in the night. Vernon would be furious: "Everything is going to be alright."

She couldn't leave Harry alone. He was blood. Family. And innocent. Her eyes took in the fresh scar on his forehead. It looked painful and harsh. „Poor baby, poor darling…", her motherly instincts took over and as careful as she could she got up without letting go of him, pressing him into her. His crying got louder and his little face turned red, scrunching up, making the scar look even worse than it already was. For a second she really looked at him. He had the black hair of his father. She knew, behind closed lids there would be green eyes looking up at her. Her colour of her own eyes. Her sisters eyes. She nearly started sobbing right then and there. But Harry came first.

The more she started to think about him and the letter she cursed the magical world. And not for the first time. Not for the first time did she curse everything that had to do with magic, cursed James Potter and his charming smile and arrogant attitude. Magic had ruined her relationship to her sister. Magic had killed her sister. Magic had left a little boy without a father and a mother. She despised magic. „I'm going to take care of you.", she whispered to Harry and went up the stairs. There was enough space for him to lie beside Dudley. But first she had to change his diapers, maybe even give him a bath. Then she would bring him to bed. And then, after she had taken care of him, would she be able to mourn the death of her sister. And then she would have to take care of the third baby in this household. Vernon. He would not like the situation. Not at all. Petunia, for the first time since her marriage, didn't care.


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new character enters the scene.

Severus Snape knew he had done many mistakes throughout his life. He knew he was not the most attractive man. He knew he wassn’t the most popular teacher at Hogwarts. He was bitter and unhappy and sad and he was not a man who could easily forget. Or forgive. His resentment had held for people he had known followed him like a cloud, still, the resentment was also something he felt towards himself. Yes, holding grudges was childish, but he was just a man, hurting so much he sometimes felt as if his lungs were crushed by the feelings of his past. In these moments he wasn’t able to breath. In these moments he wanted to scream his throat raw until blood was oozing from his mouth. But he couldn’t. He didn’t. All he felt he kept locked inside hi schest, the tightness in his chest unbearable. Sometimes he worried he would combust, the self destrutcting thoughts to loud in his head. Was he crazy? Was he losing his mind? At one point in his life he sought out help. Help, he should have sought out much sooner. So he went to Albus Dumbledore, then to the healing facility of St. Mungos. In St. Mungos healers were able to help him. They explained to him what he experienced were panic attacks and that his mental health had suffered a great deal, even if he didn’t mention what he had gone through. They prescribed him potions and he refused, because he wasn’t a potions master for nothing. So he brewed his own potions. The dangers were there but he was sick of always hurting, of always grasping for air. He was sick of being sick. He ignored the fact that he exchanged one sickness for the other.  
Years have passed and today he would finally meet Harry Potter. With a grim smile he looked at the place Harry Potter lived in. He wasn’t Albus Dumbledores greatest fan and what he did was against what Albus had told him, but he couldn’t let a child as important as Harry Potter grow up without knowing were he came from, who he was and what he who was capable of being. Who knew when Voldemort would return? And wasn’t it his responsibilty protecting said boy? A responsibilty he took upon himself. He did it for Lily Evans. A girl he had loved dearly. This was his way of repenting his sins. Was it selfish? In a way, yes. He wasn’t delliusnal. He knew it was selfish and that he did what he did for his own personal gains.   
His pounding heart echoed loudly in his ears as he approached the front door. Severus felt his muscles clench in unison with the tightness in his chest. He knocked. A few seconds passed by before the door opened and a woman stood before him. Blinking she took him in, the shoulder length black hair in a ponytail, the black button up shirt and the black pants – he had dressed as muggle as possible as to not draw attention and to frighten the muggle woman before him. Again she blinked, this time with more confusion in her eyes. Severus knew her. Petunia Evans. Now Petunia Dursley. 

„Can I help you?“, she asked confused at the man before her. He nodded: „My name is Severus Snape. I knew Lily. And… James.“ Saying that name left a bitter taste in his mouth. Still, after all these years. He continued: „We… went to the same school.“ At that realizaton started to form in her eyes.   
„Oh… really?“, her blinking started to get on his nerves. She wasn’t as pretty as Lily had been, he realized as he took the time to really look at her. Her dark hair was in an up do. Her face was long, thin lips, but yes, her eyes were pretty. Green. It was the same green. Just like Lilys.   
„Oh!“, she gasped, and finally, he thought as she opened the door further to let him in. Then, she suddenly stopped and he saw the moment mistrust formed in her eyes: „What do you want? Now?“ It was not a surprise this muggle new about magic. She had had a magical sister after all.   
„I am here to… well, first I want to get to know Harry Potter a little bit. He is… rather important in the magical word. May I come in?“, he asked and clasped his hands behind his back. Only reluctant did she open the door to let him in.   
„We knew each other.“, she said as she closed the door, remembering the boy Lily had played with. And hadn’t it been him who nearly killed her?   
„When we were younger.“, she crossed her arms before her chest, observing his reaction. There was none. He only looked around before his nearly black eyes landed on her. „Yes.“, was his simple answer. Petunia nodded. A moment passed, then a second one before she started to leave the door: „Come. Let’s sit down. Drink tea. And talk.“

„That’s what I’m here for. And for Harry.“, he explained after he cleared his throat as he followed her inside the kitchen. There was nothing magical in this house and it was refreshing as he hadn’t been in the home of a muggle for a long time.   
Some time later the two adults sat at the same table, Petunia sipping her hot tea. How she was able to drink it eluded him as she didn’t burn her tongue, it seemed. But Petunia didn’t even flinch, slowly sipping more.   
„Harry is not here.“, she told him after a while, „He is at a birthday party with Dudley.“  
„I see.“, he responded holding the tea cup and looking into the hot beverage. He really felt out of place. He didn’t know how to explain or what to say and it was hard for him to look into the eyes of the woman who had been related to Lily.   
A sigh from her shook him from his thoughts and he looked up at her again. She was more petite than Lily, he thought, before he shook his head on the inside. What was wrong with him? Today the thoughts of Lily and the guilt he felt towards his sins wouldn’t leave him alone. Maybe because he was in close proximity with Lilys family, yes, that explained it.   
„Why are you here?“, she asked after a while, the two of them not saying anything.   
„I…“, he began suddenly feeling unsure. Would he be able to let go of his bitterness? To sit in front of Harry and teach him things he needed to know? Because there was no doubt the dark Lord would return. It was only a matter of time.   
„Go on.“, her smile surprised him, „I don’t bite. I don’t judge.“ Not anymore at least, she thought with a small smile, regretting the way she had matured, regretting her marriage to Vernon, but not regretting her child. Never regretting her children. She was a mother, through and through. The church and Father Greene had helped a lot as well, she had to admit. Now she was a believer, going to church and taking the boys with her as well. God held now an important part in her life and she wanted to share that spirituality with Harry and Dudley.  
A laugh escaped his dry lips at her words and somehow, suddenly, he felt more at ease. He was ready to explain. So he explained. He explained the role of Harry Potter as the-boy-who-lived. He explained the rise of dark magic and Voldemort and he explained how Lily and James had went into hiding. He explained how the wizarding world viewed Harry as the one saviour. And how it was now his duty to protect and teach Harry. The dark lord would not be happy when he came back, but what did he have to lose? He had already lost everything before he even gained anything.   
The shock on her face came with no surprise to him. What surprsied him though was how calm she stayed after the shock had left her face. She only took a look at the clock and slowly got up.   
„I have to go. Pick them up I mean. Harry and Dudley.“, she explained, feeling a little dazed at all the information she had gained through him. When she saw the look on his face she smiled: „If you want you can join me. And we can talk a little more. And you’ll get the chance to meet Harry. That is, if you… have the time, Mr. Snape.“

„Severus.“, he stood up, „Call me Severus. And… yes, I would like to come with you.“ Petunia nodded and started to get ready. She got her bag and keys and it didn’t take long until they were at her car. Severus was uncertain as he looked into the box of metal. He’s seen cars of course. He had been in some when he was a child, when he still lived with his mother and father, but it had been a long time. He had turned his back on everything that was muggle and that connected him to everything non-magical. Petunia only laughed at the look of horror on his face: „Don’t worry. I’m a good driver. Just hop in.“

In the backseat he could see toys and an empty bottle. Probably Dudleys and Harrys. Only reluctantly did he sit down beside her and closed the car. Now he was inside a metal box. At least he had his magic so he could do something if things would escalate. He wouldn’t want to die in a car accident. Severus shook his head and cleared his throat as he remembered the seat belts. It took a little until he was finished – only with the drivers help as well, which had been quite embarassing. Petunia only had smiled at him before buckling her own seat belt and starting the car. During the drive not one of them said a word. No onw could blame her for that, though, as she thought of all the things, the secrets and implications he had told her. Things about her sister and James, their death, and Harry. Petunia knew she could panick. It was a normal emotion to have, after all. But Petunia stayed calm. Panicking now wouldn’t do anything. Harry needed her. He needed her to be strong and calm. He was still so very little, six years old alreay, and already he did he have such a burden to bear. She needed to be cool headed when she wanted to help Harry; and the least she could do was help him prepare. Prepare for all the things that were in her power. And magic was not something she possessed. She could only laugh at herself as she remembered how badly she had wanted to be a witch. How she had even written a letter do Albus Dumbledore, begging him to accept her into his school. For a moment she was glad. Then, again, she would not be able to help Harry as he would need it. Or needed it now. Only to a certain extent.   
It didn’t take long until they arrived at the place Harry and Dudley and other children waited to be picked up from their parents. It was a dojo, asian writing huge displayed on the clear window. Dudley had seemed to have his fathers genes, eating and not really being a light weight. Doing a sport would help him, she knew. But she wanted the boys to be like brothers so she had decided to send Harry to the dojo as well. It would help him in the future as well, she knew.  
„They train Kung Fu.“, she explained to Severus without looking at him as she went to the front door and entered the dojo. „I wanted them to be strong. Who knew Harry would need it.“ A cold laugh escaped her.  
„Oh, Mrs. Dursley!“, she turned her head and was met with an asian girl, Severus not having the time to react or answer to her words. As it seemed the asian female was an instructor. One of the teachers. „Hello Miss. Takahashi. Where are Harry and Dudley?“, before the teacher could answer two boys suddenl tackled Petunia, both screaming as children would: „Mommy!“ „Auntie!“  
„Boys!“, Petunia smiled happily at the sight of them, kneeling down and hugging them both. They laughed and smiled and seemed giddy, overall, just happy. As soon as they were at arms length they started to tell her how amazing the dojo was, how they loved it here and how nice the teacher was to them. Of course, she couldn’t understand a single word as the both of them talked at the same time, but she laughed nontheless: „Boys! Wait! Get your things and we can talk when we’re in the car. And I want to introduce you to someone. Someone important.“

Severus scoffed at that. He wasn’t important. He was a sinner. He only wanted to make things right were it had been due to his shortcomings that things had turned out the way they had.   
„His name is Severus Snape. He... He is a friend.“, at that Severus just raised his brows and crossed his arms. That would be a fun explanation.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd be happy if I could get one or two reviews for some good ol' fashioned critique.  
> And what did you think? Did you like it? I hope so! Feel free to ask away!


End file.
